Thankful

This is definitely my favorite time of day. It's 9:30pm- my boys are in bed, the TV is set to MY channel (not cartoons, a Pixar movie or some sports program) and everything is cleaned up and ready for tomorrow to begin.
This is the only time in my day that there are no children pulling at the hem of my shirt and nothing needs to be picked up, folded, cooked, diapered, wiped, fed or entertained. It's just me, my husband and our quiet house.

Ace is still at work on this particular night, but today I'm okay with that. I'm enjoying the silence. It's been a pretty normal week overall. Lots of kids. Lots of messes. Lots of blogging and worrying about blogging and procrastinating from blogging. I've spent the last few days kind of floundering about trying to come up with things to say here, but I feel like finally I'm comfortable and okay to just say what I'm thinking.

Tonight, I'm thinking that I'm grateful. The month of November always seems to get people thinking about what they're thankful for and personally I'm thankful for a lot. Despite the chaos of my day to day, my life is one that I love. I have my days that I get into self-pity mode. I have my days that I feel like I fail at everything.
I also have days like today that remind me of exactly why I love my job and my husband and my kids so much. Nothing really spectacular happened or anything, I just had a lot of those little moments today where things just feel so happy and easy and right.
When I left this morning to go to my "mini-Physical" I mentioned yesterday, I left Ace with all of the kids. Only a husband like Ace would take on such a task without complaint. As I was headed out the door, Ace said "Bye Babe, I love you!" and was followed by two other little voices- "I love you Mom!" (Zack) and "I Love you Andra!" (My nephew Mason). The other two aren't old enough to talk yet, but they both looked up as if to say the same thing.

THAT. RIGHT THERE. That is why I do what I do. That is why I put up with the messes and the squabbles and the whining and the pooooooooop. Because at the end of the day, that man and those little people and their parents and so forth.... they all love me and I love them and they are grateful for what I do. I can't imagine anything better than that.

A Total Cop Out.

60 Questions People Dont Ask Survey from Quizopolis.com

*** Because my life is not exciting enough for every day entries. I really don't do anything.

1. When's the last time you ran? - About a week ago after work. I took the boys out in the jogging stroller. The three of us enjoy it immensely, each for different reasons I'm sure.
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? - Not anymore. For a long time I was into that kind of look, but I feel like I'm getting to an age where I'm not allowed to wear stuff like that anymore. It's actually kind of sad. I really loved jeans with holes in the knees. They're the most comfortable kind!

3. What are you dreading right now? - going in for a mini-physical tomorrow morning for our insurance company. They're going to do things like take blood and make me stand on a scale..... Yikes.

4. Do you celebrate 420? - Ha! I don't think I've ever really CELEBRATED it.

5. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? - Absolutely never. Not since I started having children, anyway. Oy Vey.

6. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do? - What are these "Lazy Days" you speak of????

7. Who last grabbed your ass? - Ace has a problem..... A problem I call "Stop groping me in public or I will punch you in the ear". Overshare? Probably. It's true though. And embarrassing.

8. Have you ever been on your school's track team? - HAAAAAHAHAAHA. Ha....Ha ha. No.

9. Do you own a pair of Converse? - I own a pair of FAKE Converse which may or may not have been purchased at a Payless. I can niether confirm nor deny.

10. Did you copy and paste this survey? - Oh I sure am about to. I'm a little desperate for material here.

11. Do you eat raw cookie dough? - It's like Kryptonite.

12. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? - Duh. I kick everything.

13. Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? - No, because I don't believe you CAN ruin a good song by playing it over and over. If the song can be played-out, then it isn't actually good in the first place.

14. Do you watch Trading Spaces? - HeckYess (In my best Napoleon Dynamite voice)

15. How do you eat oreos? - I twist open, eat the no-cream side first, then eat the cream off of the other side, then eat the rest of it.

16. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? - Nope. That's not really something I have the patience for. I have things to do. Like sleep.

17. Are you cocky? - I don't think so.

18. Could you live without a computer? - I probably could, but why?

19. Do you wear your shoes in the house? - Ha! It's hard enough to get me to wear shoes OUT of the house. I'm a barefoot kind of person. I always have been.

20. Who or what sleeps with you? - Ace. Sometimes a baby or two depending on the night, but usually just Ace.

21. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? - FOUR. FOUR YEARS OLD. ThanksSoMuch Dad.

22. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? - Working or non-working included? 2 working cellphones, one cordless phone, probably 15 dead cellphones we let the kids play with.

23. What do you do when you're sad? - I get really quiet. It's not healthy.

24. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? - Mom!

25. Last time you saw your best friend? - This morning when I kissed him goodbye as he left for work.

26. Are you in high school? - Not since 2002.

27. What jewelry are you wearing? - Wedding rings, 3 other rings and a nose stud.

28. Is anyone on your bad side now? - I don't have time for that stuff anymore.

29. What's the first thing you do when you get online? - Check FaceBook.

30. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? - No, I never got into that show. I'm definitely a sitcom kind of girl. I like to laugh.

31. How do most people spell your name? - R-O-S-E-Y... oh Hell

32. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? - I wear Ace's clothes all the time around the house. They're comfy!

33. Where do you work? - Here.

34. What are you doing tomorrow? - Here.

35. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? - Justin who?

36. Favorite name for a girl? - Zoey (never going to use it, though.)

37. Favorite name for a boy? - I refuse to pick any more boys names.

38. Will you keep your last name when you get married? - Now why would I have wanted to do that?

39. When was the last time you left your house? - Truthfully? On Sunday when I went to the grocery store. No really.

40. Do you return your cart? - Almost every single time.

41. Do you have a dishwasher? - Yes. His name is Ace. We have a regular electric one as well, but I am not the one who uses it.

42, What noise do you hear? - The Yankees/Phillies game on TV

43. Would you survive in prison? - Survive, yes. Keep my sanity? No. I have enough trouble with that as it is.

44. Who is the youngest in your family? - That's a boring question. Probably because it's not me...

45. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? - Me. I am a compulsive over-packer. I always have to have every possible thing I may need "just in case". It's pretty obnoxious, even to me.

46. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? - Not right now I don't. I've always liked that about my name.

47. What's the last thing you purchased? - Ace's birthday present online. My debit card is STILL whimpering over that one.

48. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? - HA! Usually it's the other way around. Actually, it's ALWAYS the other way around. Because I'm the best sister EVAR.

49. What brand are your pants right now? - SO. No really, that's the brand. Kohl's carries it in the Juniors department and it's the only brand that fits my wierd shape without squishing anything the wrong way or giving me a lovely muffin top.

50. Ever been to Georgia (the state)? - Only once, and it was just a layover at an airport in ATL. It was yucky. Sorry, Georgia.

51. What irritates you most on the internet? - Surveys like these, actually. I blame NaBloPoMo.

52. What brand is your digital camera? - Vivitar. I'm so ashamed. I want a Nikon D40 SO VERY BADLY. The one we have now was purchased the day we got married. 5 years ago. In camera years, that's an antique!

53. Do you watch movies with your parents? - Not anymore. They live really far away.

54. What song best describes your life right now? - Be Yourself- Audioslave.

55. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? - Last christmas I was given some Versace perfume that I save for special occasions. It smells so good I want to drink it.

56. Are you taking college classes right now? - Nope.

57. Do you like sushi? - I think its about time for this little survey to be over.

58. Do you get your hair cut every month? - Only if by "Every Month" you mean "Every 2 years"....

59. Do you go online everyday? - Does a bear sh....... well, yes. I'll leave it at yes.

60. Will you pass this survey on to 5 people? - Do 5 whole people even read this blog?


I promise actual CONTENT on tomorrow's post. No, I really do promise. For reals and pinkie swears.

2 hours left!

Wow you guys, it's really not looking good for me, is it? There are 2 hours left in the day and I am just now remembering that I have to blog.

Ace suggested that I write about how "badass" and "great" he is... and since I can't come up with anything else at this hour, I guess why not?

He is pretty neat. Just ask him!

I'm just kidding, he's awesome. He puts up with a lot more than anyone will ever know. He puts up with my endless insecurities and my neurotic quirks and my irrational fears of anything and everything that may-might-might-not-happen-OMFGWHATWILLIDOOOOOO?!?!
He fixes it. Whatever it is I'm scared of or worrying about, he tells me what I need to hear to make it okay. He looks through all of the mess and the talking and the stuff that I have going on and he sees ME. He loves me. Despite all of it.

I don't know what I did to deserve someone like him, but I do know that I'm grateful. I thank my lucky stars every night.



How's that for short and sweet?
I Love You Butthead.

Oh look! Here I am!

You thought I'd forget to post today, didn't you? Well you were wrong. I totally remembered and now here I am. Neener-neener. So what if my sister had to send me a reminder-text-alert about 10 minutes ago..... That totally counts as not forgetting.

Anyway, for my second entry I've decided to write about..... uh,..... aaabbbouuuut.....



.....



Well Hell this is going to be harder than I thought, isn't it? I have no idea what to say and it's day two. This should be good. I guess I can start by telling you that I'm feeling a little better than I was a couple of weeks ago when I posted THIS entry. Not that the list of problems has been fixed or anything, but a few of them are on their way to improvement and that in itself is enough to lift my spirits. I think that day I really just needed to throw myself a little pity party and now that I've got all of it written down I can do a better job of tackling all of it.

The main problem is that I'm such a hopeless perfectionist. I have a certain idea of how something should be and if I can't make it exactly that way then I feel like I fail completely. That's also one of the reasons my posting here is so scarce. If I can't think of something awesome to write about I just won't write at all. If the entry isn't my idea of "Good Enough" I just decide to delete and try again later. Usually later just never comes.

But now, NaBloPoMo is here! There is no later, only today. I have to post today and every day. No Matter what. This is kind of exciting, isn't it? Shut up. It totally is.

NaBloPoMo? Moi?

I know, it's so ridiculous I'm almost embarrassed to write that I'm going to attempt this. Oh well!

The month of November is known in the blogging world (okay, maybe not me but the REAL bloggers...) as National Blog Posting Month or NaBloPoMo. The goal for those who choose to participate is to post an entry every single day for the entire month. Do you see now why this would be so ridiculous for someone like me? The whole idea was actually brought to my attention just this morning as I was reading This Chick. Her blog is one of my absolute favorites.

I'm going to try it and I hope that by the end of the month I'll be able to look back and be proud of myself for actually doing it. For today, I'll begin as she did by posting a few pictures from our awesome Halloween!


Happy Halloween From Us!


CJ is The Great Pumpkin!

RAWR!!! ZK and his best buddy Mason in their costumes, ready to get some CANDY!



Our neato pumpkin- It's a monster with his trick-or-treat bag!


The front of our house in the daylight



And at night! SPOOOOOOKY.

I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Halloween! Wish me luck with NaBloPoMo. I'll need it!

Cathartic

I'm in a sad place today. I would say "a bad place", but I don't want to freak anyone out. I'm not angry. So, a better phrase would be "Sad Place".


I have everything to be happy about. I'm incredibly blessed and I know it. And yet.... and yet I'm sad right now. I can't pinpoint one single reason, as there are quite a few things troubling me. Maybe if I try to list some of them it will help me? I don't know. And if you're reading this, I'm not trying to ask you for help. Please don't take it that way. I don't like to ask for help. It makes me feel far too vulnerable.

* Money.- I am always worried about it, even when there is enough. The worst part of this is that as I child I SWORE I would never let money bother me. I know what it's like to be poor and I know I have and can survive it. My mother was always worried about the money and that in turn worried me. I understand where she was coming from now, though.

* Cleaning.- No matter how much I clean and how hard I try, I can never keep things as they should be. I am constantly behind and my home never looks the way I feel it should. I know that kids are messy. I know that it's all a part of childhood. You make messes and you play and you explore and discover and that's the way it is. I also know that my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder makes it almost impossible for me to go to bed at night if there are any toys on the floor in my living room. I hate that part of me. I wish she could just relax and let the mess be, but she can't. Cleaning is one of my coping mechanisms. It helps me to think and unwind my nerves and when it's done, I look around at a clean room and feel like I've accomplished something.

* My weight.- There. I said it. Out loud to the Internet and God and everybody. My weight is really really getting to me right now. I don't like how I look in pictures and I feel less and less satisfied with what I see in the mirror as each day passes. I know why my weight is up. It's up because I'm a stress-eater. I use food now the way I used cigarettes in the past. I use it to cope. One of the worst parts of this one is that I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time. Something stressful will happen, such as my 3.5yr old having a meltdown, and suddenly I snap back to reality and realize I'm standing in front of the refrigerator. WTF?
I got a jogging stroller with the hope that it will give me another way to cope. I like to run. When I was in high school in California I used to wake up extra early during the summers so that I could go for a run and clear my head. It was like meditation for me. I want to have that again. I want to feel that way about myself again.

* My appearance in general.- This is one of the reasons I'm not asking for your help- because I don't WANT to hear all of the encouraging comments. All of the "Oh be quiet, you look great!" and the "Oh hush! Look at ME! At least you don't look like this!". I know how I want me to look and I know I don't look it. I don't care if you think I'm vain for saying so. There are a lot of things right now that I know can look better. They HAVE looked better and they can but they don't. It bothers me. A lot.

There are a few other things, but none that I feel comfortable discussing in this blog. They involve my relationships with people around me and writing about stuff like that on the Internet isn't a good way to fix it. In fact, quite the opposite.
And so, as I look over this list I realize that it's not as long as I'd thought it was. So there's that. I guess.

TwentySomething

Well, it happened again. I had another stinkin' birthday. No matter how I try to avoid it, September the 13th rolls around every year to remind me of how quickly it's all going by and how precious my time is here on earth.

Yesterday, ZK walked up to Ace and said "Daddy we need batteries for my racecar." Ace looked over at me and his eyes said it all "When did he learn to put a sentence together like that??" I think back to just a couple of months ago when everything was pointing and whining and grunting and "AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!! MINEMINEMINE MIIIINE!"... okay he still does that on occasion... but lately he's just such a BOY. A big boy that can tell me about his day and tattle on his friends and when he cries he can tell me why he's upset. It just breaks my heart to pieces and fills me with such pride all at once.
Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yes. I'm getting old.

My birthday was one of the best I've ever had. We really kind of celebrated the entire weekend. On Saturday ZK and Ace went to get donuts for our breakfast and after we ate them they went out to get my gift. I spent the morning straightening up the house and getting showered and dressed for our night out. When the guys got back from errands ZK walked into my room carrying a small white bag with tissue paper coming out of the top. The front of the bag said James Avery in gold letters. "OMG JEWELRY?!" I read the sweet card from the both of them and opened the 2 little boxes inside to find a beautiful sterling silver charm bracelet and 2 different perfect little heart charms. One heart is a mother and child heart for the boys, and one is two hearts linked together for Ace and I. I will post pictures later, if I remember. I absolutely love it and I love THEM even more.

So on Saturday night, Ace and I went out to a comedy club in downtown Fort Worth with two of our best friends Adam and Sarah. The headliner was comedian John Reep. I will tell you I haven't laughed that hard in a good long while. His performance was awesome and well worth all of the waiting in line in the rain. I forgot to mention that part. It was good to laugh so hard that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I used up at least 3 napkins! It was good to spend time out together as a couple and away from our daily responsibilities. It's been a really long time since we've allowed ourselves to do that type of thing. The kids just always come first, you know? It's okay though, we know we only have so much time before they're too big to want to spend time with us at all.

There's one other place we visited before we went to the comedy club. I had a life list item to check off and it was putting knots in my stomach like you wouldn't believe.

*******




Notice anything different?
I love it. LoveLoveLove. The end.

Sunday was even better than Saturday and I didn't even leave my house. In fact, I pretty much never left my COUCH. Ace got up with ZK and immediately began straightening and cleaning the house for me. He made my coffee! He did ALL of the dishes! He vacuumed the floors! He mopped the kitchen! With actual PineSol! And then, he did the unthinkable... HE DID ALL OF THE GROCERY SHOPPING FOR ME. AND TOOK ZK WITH HIM. YES THAT STATEMENT DESERVES ALL CAPS. WITH SIMULTANEOUS ARM FLAILING.

He ended the evening by making me a yummy dinner (MAKING! ME! DINNER!)and pretty much corralling the kids for the rest of the night and not letting me get up to help with anything. It was amazing. It was fabulous. I feel so very, very lucky.

This weekend Ace and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. It feels like we've just always been together, you know?
As each birthday comes and goes and each anniversary flies by with seemingly less and less time in between, I really am thankful for this time. I'm grateful for this amazing family we've made. I'm blessed to have the life I have right now and It really doesn't get any better than this.



Happy Birthday, Indeed.