30 Posts Of Truth- Day 9

Day 9- Someone You Didn't Want To Let Go But Just Drifted.

If I had a dollar for every person I could name for this one, I could probably pay off my house right this minute. I'm not even really exaggerating.
Throughout my childhood, my family lived what I would call a "modern-day nomadic" lifestyle. To put it simply, we moved. A lot. All the time. We moved to where the money was. Then, to where the family was and eventually to where the money would be again. I knew each time we moved that it was for the good of our family. My parents were doing whatever they could to continually better our financial situation and living conditions. I believe every parent has that goal, no matter how well off they are to begin with. You always want better for your family and especially your children.

One of the more difficult things about that lifestyle though, was having to constantly be uprooted and placed into new situations with new people. The new people part I really didn't mind too much. That was always an interesting combination of thrilling and terrifying. The part that really hurt me was that I was never able to form the types of friendships that were made to last. Every new friendship I came into had to be built on a foundation of fear and uncertainty. I was afraid to get too attached to anyone because I was afraid of the pain of losing them again in a year or two.
It was this fear and uncertainty that caused me to push so many potentially amazing friendships away. I've hurt a lot of people because of it. People that deserved for me to be as good of a friend to them as they were trying to be for me. As they tried harder and harder to get close to me, I would grow colder and sometimes even hostile. Because I was afraid.

Some of those people I've managed to reconnect with through the magical world of Facebook. A few of them I've actually been able to discuss this with and attempt to make amends. With some of them, it has been worked out. With others, it hasn't and I really don't blame them.

I would like to think I've gotten past a lot of those issues now. I've lived in the same state for almost 9 years. I don't plan on going anywhere. That's not all it takes to fix it though. I've had to make a conscious effort in each of my relationships here to keep working at the friendship. Things that would just come naturally to some people like calling someone to see how they're doing, inviting someone over, allowing someone into my comfort zone without completely freaking out and deleting their number- have had to be worked at slowly and consistently.

I can count on one hand the number of close friends I have now. These people though, are more than just close friends to me. They are family. They are woven so deeply into my life and my heart that there is nothing that could ever change the love I have for them. I trust them, I love them and I cherish them. I would do just about anything they asked of me if they needed me.

The best thing about all of that to me though is that it really wouldn't be that way- I wouldn't have the relationship that I have with them or the dedication to maintaining it that I have now- had I not gone through everything else to get to this point.

See? Greatful for the good things AND the bad. Really. ;)