I promise I love you

So! I went and had a baby. A 9lb 22 inch squishy little angel from heaven. He is perfect. I have so much to tell you about, but no time to do it. It seems that I never do have time for this blog, though. I never post regularly and when I do, most of it is taken up by apologies for not posting regularly. Uck. I've decided enough with the apologies. I am simply a blogger who does not blog. Mmmkay?

Feel free to stop in whenever you think of me, and know that if I haven't posted, its because I'm quite busy with the whole mom/wife/daycare owner/SUPERHERO thing I've been trying to pull off lately and sorry I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and a short message I'll get back to you as soon as I can. *BEEP!*
So anyway, back to the squishy little angel from heaven thing. CJ is a great baby. He sleeps most of the night, he's 7 weeks old now! We've been in sync from day one and I couldn't be happier with him. He took to breastfeeding like a PRO, which was one of my main worries. ZK was formula fed because I was left quite emotionally wrecked after all of my failed attempts with him. This baby is just so different from my first. Not better, by any means, just everything about him from his dark hair and eyebrows to his long lean frame to his sleeping habits. I love him completely and with all of my heart- just like his brother.
I never imagined my heart could have the capacity to love 3 people so completely. It is so wonderful and terrifying and beautiful all at the same time.

Now, one would think that with all of this wonderful love stuff going on that I would be doing pretty good, right? That I would be happy and content and fuzzy clouds butterflies rainbows jellybeans? I really wish things were like that. The truth is they're not. I'm kind of having a really tough time and it's come as quite a shock to me. I've found myself many days during the kids' naptime sitting on my couch silently crying my eyes out..... Yeah.

I'm not normally one to talk about my real feelings. I like to be funny and make an ass of myself and try to keep things light and fun. Right now though, I feel like I need to vent. So, if you don't want to get bummed out or if you're not a fan of listening to peoples problems please feel free to stop reading now.

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If you're still here, HI! This sucks! Thanks for listening.

How the hell do I have Postpartum depression? I'm not supposed to be the one this happens to.
I always felt like I was the stable one growing up. My father is Manic depressive. 2 of my siblings also display symptoms. I was always the happy one who never needed to be worried over. I always had my crap together. Don't worry about me! I'm okay!----- I am SO not okay. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I don't feel pretty. I don't feel like I get enough done, despite the fact that I NEVER STOP MOVING.
I'm always on my feet, making meals and rocking a baby and cleaning up toy messes and breaking up a kid fight and doing laundry and grocery shopping and....
And yet, at day's end I always go back and check off all of the things I DIDN'T get done that day that I should have gotten done.
I don't have time to PEE let alone straighten my hair and put on some makeup. I look bad. I don't want to look bad. I never leave the house. I say its because I have no time, but is it really? I don't even know.
SO! I went to my 6wk checkup last Thursday and cried to my amazing midwife and she was all "BAH! You're funny! Is that all?? Postpartum depression is so common! You're SO NOT CRAZY WOMAN!" And then she gave me a prescription for some Wellbutrin and sent me home.
I'm on day 6 and so far since I started I've only cried 3 times... Trust me, that's a big improvement. I think it's starting to help. I think I'm starting towards getting better. I hope.





Thanks for listening.

Oh, Hai!

Myyyyy oh my, but I've been gone awhile. Again. And I don't care. Today I have a few minutes to update and so I will try to give you an idea of what's been going on.

35 weeks pregnant! Holy cow! Also, 25 pounds gained and possibly 25 donut holes consumed so far today. Nice. I am so ready to be done being pregnant, people. Pregnant can just SUCK IT as far as I'm concerned. This kid is BIG and he's ACTIVE and he won't give me or my ribcage a break for even 5 seconds. I want him OUT.


(SEE?!?! GAH!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm completely in love with him already and I know that he'll be the most adorable thing I've ever seen (or at least a close second to his big brother), but he has worn out his welcome as far as the womb is concerned.
Today was the official first time that I realized there was no possible WAY I was going to be able to tie my own shoes. I never had this problem with my first, probably because I wore heels every day to work and they didnt need to be tied. Today, though, I grunted and groaned and damn near cried because UUURGHHH.... CANT. REACH. FEET.
Moving on...This past weekend my sisters and a close friend threw me an awesome surprise baby shower! I'd been kind of secretly moping for a few weeks because although this is my second baby and also second boy I really was hoping that someone would throw me a shower. I have quite a bit of stuff for this baby but there's so much that I still NEED because I pretty much gave away all of the important stuff. Because I'm a smart girl. So anyway, I arrived at my in-laws' houe saturday afternoon only to see my 3 girls standing in the driveway waiting for me and SURPRISE!!! Blue balloons everywhere! YAY!!!!
We had a blast and I got some great gifts; my favorites being a tattoo print Hotsling and 3 pairs of adorable striped baby leg-warmers. EEEeeee! :)

Here are some photos from the party:
(The group sitting down to our awesome lunch and Kristen's awesome tan putting the lot of us to SHAME. She's directly to my left, if the bronzed goddess look didn't already give her away.)

(we played the "how many squares will it take to go around her belly??" game... everyones favorite way to humiliate the pregnant girl! Woo hoo! This is my sister, Athena with me.)

(and then it was Sarah's turn)

(AAAAAnnnnd my dear mother in-law, who's paper managed to wrap around me THREE WHOLE TIMES. THANKS A LOT!!! Just kidding, I love you kitty :) )

(PRESENTS!!!)

(moi, doing my best "expecting Models" pose. HAH!)

So, all in all it was wonderful wonderful and my sisters and Sarah are amazing for being able to keep it a secret from me this long! They'd been planning it for about 6 weeks and I had no idea!

Well, that'll have to be all for now. The kiddos are waking up from nap and there's much to be done in the way of diapers and snacks and such. I have a lot more that I'd love to tell you about, and hopefully tonight or tomorrow I'll have time to come back and update again. If not though, I'll definitely be back soon because I'm totally supposed to have a baby in about 5 weeks and you KNOW that gives me a lot to talk about.
Toodles! (SNORT)....

(P.S. ROUND!!!! Can you say ROUND!?!?!)
(P.P.S. Baby shower balloons RAWK.)

All about my Big Ace

{I totally stole this one from Ashna. Thanks girl! I haven't had any material for awhile!}

Where did you meet? At Starbucks! Anyone who knows me probably already knows that though. as I LOVE to tell that story.

How long did you date before you were married? two and a half years. He proposed to me after 1 1/2 years and we were engaged for a year. It would have been sooner, but we already got married young. It was 5 days after my 21st birthday! Sooner than that would have been too early for us.

How long have you been married? it was 4 years in September. we've been together almost 7 now but it feels like we've just always been together. We were meant and made for eachother. :)

What does he do that surprises you? He is an AMAZING father!!! Like, the most awesome one that I've ever seen in my life. Not just because he's my husband, but because he literally outshines any other father figure that I've ever been exposed to in my life. He is patient, giving, firm, a good example, trustworthy, and he will do whatever it takes to be sure that his sons have the things they need and (within reason) want before any of his needs/wants are met. he puts his family first EVERY time.

What is your favorite feature about him? He has the uncanny ability to make me laugh even when I'm the most upset or depressed. Also, he's a big strong guy and I always feel safe and secure when he's around.

What is your favorite quality about him? The strength of his character. He always keeps his word and he says what he means and means what he says.

Does he have a nickname for you? He has plenty. The only time he really uses my real name is when he's upset. Mostly he calls me Babe or Baby but there are a few that I WILL NOT tell the internets because you wouldn't want to hear about them anyway. HA!

What is his favorite color? blue.
What is his favorite food? Pizza! He also loves to grill steaks and he's gotten pretty good at it.

What is his favorite sport? Favorites to WATCH are Football, Hockey, Basketball, Baseball. His favorites to PLAY are Hockey, Basketball and Golf.

Who said, "I love you" first? He did. He was on the phone with me when I still lived with my parents and he said "go out and check your mail". He had left me a letter talking about how he was falling in love with me and he was afraid to scare me off but he loved me and I thought it was the most awesome and sweet thing I had ever seen!

When and where was your first kiss? On my parents front porch the night our second date was over. I think actually the date is March 12th, 2002.

What's your favorite thing to do as a couple? Watch The news and Political TV together (because we are HUGE dorks...) and share our opinions on all of the issues and basically talk about how much we hate That Colmes guy and anyone on NBC news... Because again, we are the HUGEST of dorks. And we love politics.

Do you have any kids? An almost 3yr old and another little boy on the way!

What's a hidden talent that he has? I-i-i-i-i'm not at liberty to mention that one. :)

How old is he? he will be 27 in about 2 weeks!

What's his favorite type of music? He likes all kinds. Depends on his mood. But he loves his music LOUD.

What do you most admire about him? He's good at pretty much everything he tries, except for... well, no! He never does bad at anything he tries to do. Stupid perfect husband.

What's his favorite pastime? Anything to do with sports.

Do you think he's going to read this? yes

TAG! You're it. (whoever reads this)

26 weeks

Hello there!

Yes, as of tomorrow I am officially 26 weeks. Wow. So far I've gained a grand total of 13 pounds and i have NO FRICKIN IDEA how that's happened. Today alone, I've eaten 3 cherry fruit pies and I had a slice of cheese pizza with some spicy-hot cheetos and a lemonade for breakfast.... I have been the SUCK at watching my nutrition towards the end of either of my pregnancies. It just seems like some little voice in my head keeps chanting "donut holes.... DONUT HOLES... DONUT HOLES LADY, EAT! NOM!!"

Aaaannd eat them, I do. At every opportunity. So, what's up with the 13 pounds? I dunno. I also don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth or whatever so I guess I should stop talking about it and just be glad, huh?

Hmm... I feel like I don't have anything witty or entertaining to say today, so you get pictures!!! Yay! How exciting for you! Now, please excuse me as there is a bag of Red Vines in the pantry calling my name. (SNORT)

(Us last weekend at a local nature park. My family? We are the beautiful :) )


( I love this shot even though it looks like I'm using the wall to hold up the weight of my bump)


(See what I meant by beautiful?! He makes the prettiest babies, I'm tellin' ya)


(I am the luckiest woman in the universe. The most blessed human being there ever was. Do not try to convince me otherwise because seriously? LOOK WHAT I GOT.)


And yes, his shirt says "I <3 Hot Moms" heehee.. The End.

I know, you're probably gone forever but...

But I am back! BACK I SAY!!! Eh. Sorry for the 2 months of radio static, but I've been... eh, ... busy?

I guess just lazy, although I'd hardly call me lazy by any means. I have ridiculous amounts of things to get done in a day and there aren't enough hours to do them. So, when I actually get a few spare seconds to myself lately the LAST thing on my mind is to go sit down and try to like, type out my feelings, you know?

(I would TOTALLY rather go to the zoo. Wouldn't you?)

So, in a nutshell, here's what you've missed out on in the last 2 months 2 days:

*We're having a BOY BOY BOY!!!!! A BOY!!!

* I am completely ECSTATIC about this, if you couldn't tell by all of the exclamation points and caps.

* ZK has suddenly decided to use "please mama" and "thanks Mama" without prompting and at all of the appropriate times and it delights me to no end each and every time.

* The mohawk? it is gone... Completely by accident. I had only meant to shorten it a bit because it was so very shaggy and I accidentally put the clippers on too low of a setting (because the rest of his hair I guess looked a lot shorter than it really was compared to the mohawk) and it ended up the same length as the rest of his hair.. leaving him looking like a really handsome 5 year old instead of my quirky little two and a half year old punk rocker. So sad. Seriously.

* I have gained only 8pounds! And I'm almost 23 weeks! I am the awesome! At least, awesome for now- until I suddenly start the 3 pounds a week slippery slope that is my 3rd trimester weight gain pattern. But for now? I AM THE AWESOME. AWESOME I TELL YOU!!!


So, that's most of the main stuff. Ace and I have already decided on a name for the little guy and we're both really happy with it. You'll know him as CJ (love that nickname!). It took a lot of back-and forth to get the name we were both happy about. What we ended up doing was that I wrote down all of the names that I really liked on a piece of note paper and left it for him to look over alone. Later, I went back to look at it and he had crossed out all of the names he didn't like, which left about three to work with. We talked over the last three and finally came to a decision. VOILA! He has a name! The best part about the name though is that the more I use it, the more I love it. It grows on me more as each day passes.

Hmm... I guess there's not much else to catch you up on. Oh, wait... I totally turned 25 last Saturday. I'd like to not say anything more about that though, please for fear of bursting into tears yet again because OMFG I'm officially no longer in my early twenties and that I think makes me a real grownup... *SNIFF* *CHOKE*

Anyway! Tomorrow is our 4 year wedding anniversary. So very cool. I love my husband so very much, and it seems like we've just always been together. I don't want to remember what life was like before he came and I can't possibly imagine it without him. He is my Mr.Awesome. Just ask him, he'll tell you!

The AUM eludes me

IIIIIII love being pregnant! I love being pregnant! I LOOOOOOVE being pregnant...... ok the mantra is not working. I still don't like this.
Today was somewhat of a hormonal rollercoaster disaster. Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you get an 'F' in everything? Today was that day for me. I suck. I was at least 45 minutes off-schedule for every meal, snack, diaper change and planned activity I had (and I don't know why!!)and I cried big fat crocodile tears at least 5 times. When Ace got home from his big meeting (which I will discuss at a later date due to personal reasons), I completely unloaded all of my tears about my day onto his shoulder and it took at least 15 minutes before I remembered to ask "Hey, how did it go??". Yeah, I suck. With a capital S-U-C-K.

Maybe tomorrow will be better though. I'm optimistic like that, and also I know that I didn't get enough sleep last night which is a major contributing factor. I have plenty of things to be excited about too. Ace's meeting went great and only good things can come from that! Also, my nephew M will be starting at my daycare soon and ZK loves him to pieces. They're really good buddies. It'll be good for him to have someone he loves there all the time instead of just a bunch of other kids using his toys, you know?

And another thing? I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time on Monday morning. It gave me the very same butterflies that I got the day I heard ZK's first heartbeat with the doppler. Ace wsnt able to be there because he's the only person I have to sub for daycare but I called him on my phone and my midwife held the doppler up to it so he could hear. He was so excited!

Yeah, I said MIDWIFE... eeeee! Yay! I officially have a midwife and she is a lovely lady. I really look forward to sharing this whole experience with her. She just gave me a really good gut feeling when I met her and I instantly knew I liked her. She's excited also that I'm planning for a water-birth and no pain medication. I know I can do it, now its just a matter of wether or not Ace can handle the whole thing... we'll see!

P.S. Have I told you before that my kid is adorable? Well, now I have. My kid is adorable. Exhibit A-

Huh?

You say I'm supposed to POST on this thing????
That's hilarious!

Some day, when the dishes are done, the laundry is folded and the guys are fed to full I will perhaps have the time to sit down and post a really good entry here. That is my goal that will probably be accomplished on the twelfth of NEVER.

All is as usual in my world. Busy and active and noisy and hectic and wonderful all at the same time. I'm feeling a teensy bit better today than normal, and I'm hoping that maybe this might be the start to the end of all of the nausea??? Please?? And the exhaustion?? Maybe?? I guess I'll find out soon enough.
I'm 13weeks as of tomorrow and so far I have gained a total of 1 pound. Woo hoo!
Why then, I wonder, have my thighs and shins developed a serious case of hail damage? I'm drinking tons of water and stuff... but the dimples seem to be multiplying at an alarming rate. Especially on my upper thighs. UCK. 'Tis EW.
Makes the nausea return just thinking about it.
Ace and I are pretty excited, as our stupid stimulus payment arrived recently and we are FINALLY able to pay some bills ahead and get some of the things we need. He's been spending most of this week off of work completing a pretty hefty "Honey DO" list I left on the fridge for him on Sunday. Funny thing is, he got almost all of it done on the first day! Even funnier though? He totally paid people to come do it for him. We had a large old apple tree in the back yard that had
cracked in half and he was supposed to get rid of the rest of it because I was worried about any of the larger limbs falling, possibly on any of the children while they played out there. So, at about 12:30 central time (NAP TIME in my little world) I heard the sounds of growling chainsaws just outside our back door. Exactly 10 feet from where my toddlers were napping.
Needless to say, my husband came in with his tail between his legs and widened his eyes apologetically as I gestured wildly and gave him "I will kill you if they wake up from this" glares. None of them ended up being disturbed, thankfully, and I watched in amazement as the tree disappeared in a matter of 90 minutes. Sweet!
He also managed to both pay someone to fix the garage door and force himself to organize his disastrous tool bench mess. All in one day!


***Oh, I know this is off-topic, but by any chance does anyone out there know what to do when your 2 1/2 year old decides to wake up at 3am
every morning for a week straight?!?! If anyone out there has any ideas I sure would appreciate hearing them. We've tried putting him to bed earlier, later, shortening his nap, checking the temp of his room etc.... I AM EXHAUSTED. It is not working. Killmenow. kthxbye.