On a jet plane

I bought a plane ticket to Seattle this morning. I'll be there in mid-June. I'm going to go see Grampa. They got his prognosis on Wednesday, and it's definitely worse than they thought- the cancer isnt in his bones, it's in his blood which is definitely worse. He has 6 months max.

I'm doing a lot of internalizing right now. I haven't cried yet (since I heard his results) and I don't know when I'll have a chance to. I have kids to take care of and scedules to keep. I know it's not good to internalize grief, because it ends up causing other problems but I feel like I have no choice. I have to stay strong for now. I have to be able to go see him and make the visit the best one I possibly can for him because he doesn't have time to be making me feel better. It's my job to go out there and give lots of hugs and remember old times. I need to show off my baby and talk about my oldest and my husband and how wonderful everything really is, because it really, really is. It's wonderful.



This trip is serving two purposes. My parents and siblings will also be flying out that week and I havent seen them in over 3 years. This will be the most bittersweet vacation I have ever taken. I'm so full of excitement and anticipation to finally be able to hug my family and loved ones and to talk to everyone.
At the same time, I have to go to my Grampa to tell him goodbye.
Well, there it is. I'm crying.