30 Posts Of Truth- Day 7.

Day 7- Someone that made your life worth living.

Well! This one is ridiculously easy. I have kids! I have a husband! How could I not have someone to write about?

Today though, I'd actually like to pick just one of them. This one today, deserves to be discussed.
You may remember me mentioning a couple of days ago that I am recovering from a drug addiction. I went to rehab, I went to AA, I went through Hell. That Hell was followed by selling our house, moving in with the in-laws to get ourselves out of $15k of debt, and a traumatic miscarriage.
There was a relapse. I won't say of what and i won't say where or when, but it would have been the first of many. It would have been the starting again of that slippery slope into weighing 100 pounds and staying awake without food for 3 weeks at a time. Except that it led to what resulted in a second in my life positive pregnancy test.

I was at my parents house the day i found out. I was late and I had that feeling of hope that I was almost too afraid to allow myself to feel. I decided to take a test.

That test wasn't just positive.... It was my Zackary.
I remember that I spent that pregnancy refusing to allow myself to hope. I was too scared. I was too afraid to become attached again.
I stayed sober, I stayed clean, I stayed terrified and hopeful the entire time.

December 28, 2005 is the day that my life finally began to make sense. I had someone that needed me. Not just wanted me there, but really, truly, honestly needed me to keep them alive. I had a purpose and I had finally figured out WHY I am here.

He was my first. He will always be my first. He is the one that for the past almost five years has taught me how to love completely and unconditionally. He is the one that I would give my life for. The first one. He will always be the first one. My little mini-boy-version-of-me. My first one and only center of the universe.

I love you Zack. Thank you for helping the 22 year old me see that life really is amazing and that even when things are too hard, they can and will get done. We can do it.



Thank you so much, Baby.
Love, Mama.